I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize