she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
