I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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