it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
ok first of all what the fuck
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
