Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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