Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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