yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
