I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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