he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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