I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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