the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
