I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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