I just threw up on my dentist
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
