you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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