3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
