Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
