A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she pinky promised me she was 18
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize