i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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