I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
