Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize