Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
