Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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