gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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