Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize