I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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