can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
