My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Boobs speak an international language.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
