just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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