honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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