In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
