last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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