no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dick very happy bro
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
