Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
