You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
