Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
