I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
