I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize