She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
