What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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