Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
