how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
