Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
