I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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