No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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