I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
