Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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