I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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