apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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