I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
