just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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