Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
