I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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