theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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