your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Randomize
