the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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