I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
