She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
