dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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