There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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