I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
