was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
