My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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