Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
