I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
