Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
