Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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