Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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