Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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