you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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