Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
