I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize