Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
