Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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