and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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