If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
