Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
His nipple licking is glorious
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