Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
