he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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