when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
