Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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