OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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