Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
