it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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