Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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