if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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