: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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