I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
