What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
