He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
