you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
