Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize