Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
