remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
