thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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