my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
