my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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