One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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