Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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