Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
