Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
