last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
